Arnold: “I’m baack!”

Now that he has wrapped his least convincing performance as fiscally responsible governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger has let his agents know he’s available for more film work. This sets him apart from former actor-politicos Ronald Reagan and George Murphy, who, once elected, quit show biz cold turkey.

Arnold: "Now for my next act -- "

CinemaDope has it on good authority that the five scripts Arnie is most excited about are:

√ “The Jack LaLanne Story.” Sources tell us that Arnold is now “bulking down” at Gold’s Gym in Santa Monica to play his fitness hero. The film will be released with the actor’s voice in Germany but will be dubbed by David Spade in the U.S. Jane Fonda is in line to play LaLanne’s wife Elaine, co-inventor of the Juice Tiger.

√ “Kindergarten Commissioner.” John Kimble, now top cop, goes undercover again at Astoria Elementary, this time as principal. His assignment: Stake out the cafeteria and take down the Juice Box Bandit. Arnold hopes to get big laughs with the line “It’s NOT a facelift!”

√ “Heidi-Ho!” This “reimagining” of the much-beloved story has Arnie, in lederhosen, as a crabby goat herder who now runs a Hummer dealership in a small village in Austria. Arnie adopts the eight-year-old orphan and mentors her in entrepreneurialship. Shirley Temple Black is “thinking seriously” about a cameo.

√  “Terminator 4: The Road Company.” Arnie’s TX super cyborg returns from the scrapheap to land a roll in the bus-and-truck company of “The Wiz,” playing the Tin Man. John Connor, back from the future ‒ or is it the past? ‒ sees through the disguise and alerts Androids’  Equity.

√ “Mr. Schmidt Goes to Washington.” Arnold as Jefferson Schmidt filibusters Congress to pass a constitutional amendment that would allow foreign-born citizens to become president. Schmidt exposes his nemesis, Sen. Joseph Paine (Danny DeVito), and winds up in the White House. Pure Capra-corn.

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One Response to “Arnold: “I’m baack!””

  1. Steve Borchelt Says:

    No more Arnold movies for me, thank you. The guy has burned up all my moviegoing interest in him. And if Jane Fonda agrees to act with him, what a sellout.

    Like

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