Memo to George Clooney: Ocean’s Next Heist?

George, you’ve pretty much done the Vegas heist thing. How about putting Matt, Brad and the reconstituted Pack in an underwater heist film?

Interested? I’ve got the perfect high-concept project for you and Soderbergh.

See-worthier with Clooney?

It’s an all-but-forgotten crime caper that’s ripe for a remake because the first time around (1966) Paramount and Sinatra Enterprises dropped the ball: Bad script, sub-par effects … typically cavalier performance by Frank “One Take” Sinatra.

It’s called “Assault on a Queen” ‒ great title, eh? ‒ and has a terrific part for you as a charter boat captain named Mark Brittain. While hunting for a Spanish galleon off the Florida coast, Brittain (we can lose the name) bumps into a coral-encrusted U-boat.

The gambit: You raise the sub, recondition it, and use it to rob the Queen Mary, mid-ocean.

In the original, the job was bankrolled by a rich Italian played by sexpot du jour Virna Lisi.

Rewrite for a more mature gal pal — and call Julia!

The plan unravels when a member of your team who’s an ex-Nazi uses the sub’s torpedoes to even the score for World War 2.

Swedish actor Alf Kjellin played the German in the original. He got all the reviews. The part has Christoph Waltz written all over it!

Come to think of it, maybe you should forget Soderbergh and offer this one to Tarantino. He’d love the camp components.

Don’t wait on this, George. With narco subs and Somali pirates much in the news, it’s both relevant and fun.

I’ve included a self-addressed envelope for the customary finder’s fee.

by Glenn Lovell

2 Responses to “Memo to George Clooney: Ocean’s Next Heist?”

  1. Van Roberts Says:

    Hey, Glenn, You’re joking, right? Okay, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea. I thought that movie was kind of niche cool, especially since they got busted because of the saying lieutenant when they should have said left-tenant. Of course, when you consider George did that marginal travelogue assassin epic with breasts called “The American,” “Assault on a Queen” wouldn’t be so bad. Except the gay community probably wouldn’t spring for it. Now, if they made it, everybody would say it’s Clive Cussler stuff. What did you think of “The Mechanic?” Gawd, sacrilege, at least in my book. “Source Code” looks so interesting that I went back and pulled out my dvd of “Twelve Monkeys” to watch it again because I’ll compare it to that along with “The Butterfly Effect.”


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