Lohan: “Not Guilty Because … Take Your Pick!”

Lip-readers were having a field day Wednesday when Lindsay Lohan leaned into her attorney and talked, sotto voce, courtroom strategy.

In a Web exclusive, CinemaDope.com has learned that Lohan intends to fight the charge that she stole a $2,500 necklace ‒ and thereby dodge a felony grand theft rap ‒ by mounting one of several defenses, including:

√ The Winona Defense. Recently signed to “Sticky Fingers: The Winona Ryder Story,” Lindsay was doing research for the biopic about a movie star brought low by shoplifting.

Really? They'll buy THAT?

√ The “Marnie” Defense. Lindsay has a doctor’s excuse ‒ she was recently diagnosed as a hopeless kleptomaniac with Freudian tendencies.

√ The Melinda Wells Defense. Like the Streisand character in “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever,” Lindsay is the reincarnated soul of a 19th century countess known for her shiny baubles. Lady Lindsay was just retrieving a family heirloom.

√ The “Gypsy” (Rose Lee) Defense. Lindsay is the product of a brash, manipulative stage mother ‒ and, as any shrink will tell you, she was just demonstrating a little healthy pushback.

√ The Princess and the Pauper Defense. Lindsay has a poor identical twin named Linda who perpetrated the crime. Friends will testify that the actress was at a Malibu party violating her earlier probation for drunken driving.

√ The Joaquin Phoenix Defense. Lindsay was working on a reality-based “documentary” about an actor with a career death wish.

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3 Responses to “Lohan: “Not Guilty Because … Take Your Pick!””

  1. jreyes87 Says:

    I vote for the Joaquin Phoenix defense, this way she can get away with even more.

    Like

  2. Steve Borchelt Says:

    Glenn, no wonder you’ve been absent from FB. I see now what’s been occupying your time. Great page, here. I’ll visit often.

    Like

  3. Psy Says:

    I vote Joaquin Phoenix as well!

    What saddens me the most is that this story is what is making the top headlines in all of the local LA papers. Revolution? Nono, they want to hear about LiLo!

    Fantastic blog Glenn! Keep at it!

    Like

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