Lip-readers were having a field day Wednesday when Lindsay Lohan leaned into her attorney and talked, sotto voce, courtroom strategy.
In a Web exclusive, CinemaDope.com has learned that Lohan intends to fight the charge that she stole a $2,500 necklace ‒ and thereby dodge a felony grand theft rap ‒ by mounting one of several defenses, including:
√ The Winona Defense. Recently signed to “Sticky Fingers: The Winona Ryder Story,” Lindsay was doing research for the biopic about a movie star brought low by shoplifting.
√ The “Marnie” Defense. Lindsay has a doctor’s excuse ‒ she was recently diagnosed as a hopeless kleptomaniac with Freudian tendencies.
√ The Melinda Wells Defense. Like the Streisand character in “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever,” Lindsay is the reincarnated soul of a 19th century countess known for her shiny baubles. Lady Lindsay was just retrieving a family heirloom.
√ The “Gypsy” (Rose Lee) Defense. Lindsay is the product of a brash, manipulative stage mother ‒ and, as any shrink will tell you, she was just demonstrating a little healthy pushback.
√ The Princess and the Pauper Defense. Lindsay has a poor identical twin named Linda who perpetrated the crime. Friends will testify that the actress was at a Malibu party violating her earlier probation for drunken driving.
√ The Joaquin Phoenix Defense. Lindsay was working on a reality-based “documentary” about an actor with a career death wish.